Friday morning.... really...

It's almost one in the morning and I can't sleep. The estate sale is tomorrow and there's part of me that feels like Mom is dying all over again. I wanted to cry as I drove up to the house this afternoon, all of her stuff in the front driveway. I know I can't hold on to everything, and I know that there were days when she was alive that she drove me nuts.... but I love her, and respect her, and I just feel like I'm dishonoring her by doing this. My heart is heavy, and no matter how much I talk it out (three times today, once with the therapist) it still doesn't feel any better. I feel all sorts of things, mostly sadness and regret. I miss her. Yet there's also this part of me that's looking forward to this new part of mine and David's life together and I feel guilty. I know she would want us to go on. Sigh....



I'm going to miss this house, yeah, it was Mom and Dad C's, but it was also where David and I have spent the majority of our marriage. I'm going to miss our 4th of July BBQ's and Thanksgiving.... with the house smelling like David's apple pie and the sound of the Macy's parade.... Yeah, I am a horrible sentimental slob... deal with it, it's me.